The time has come. You’ve survived nervousness, shyness, fear, and close scrutiny by her friends. You’ve been chatting with her for quite a while now and you’ve decided to take the plunge. You’re going to ask her for her phone number. How can you increase your chances of success?

According to several dating experts, here are the top five secrets of success:

Secret #1 – Understand Her Point Of View

Most women are reluctant to give out their phone number, and for good reason. We live in a world that can be very dangerous so it’s natural for a woman to be cautious with her personal information. From her perspective, she’s the one taking a risk.

Your actions and demeanour can reassure her that you’re safe. Don’t overdo the compliments and don’t come across as desperate. Be sincere and polite during your conversation, never pushy or overly suggestive.

Secret #2 - Understand Your Risk Factor

You probably interact with many different women in many different ways each day. Each situation is unique, so evaluate your risk factor before deciding whether to ask for her phone number.

For example, there’s an interesting woman you see at the espresso stand nearly every day. Over the course of several days or even weeks you’ve started talking to each other and established a connection. Asking for her phone number is relatively easy and low risk because you have earned a level of her trust, and the probability of actually getting her number is very high.

Secret #3 - Just Ask For It

“You’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’

-- Clint Eastwood in the movie “Dirty Harry”

No matter how much effort you put into a conversation with a woman, if you want to get her phone number eventually you’ll have to ask for it. Don’t just hope that you’ll get lucky and she’ll offer it to you first. Be polite, be friendly, and just ask her nicely.

If you really don’t know the right words to use, then a little practice is probably in order. Ask a trusted female friend to role play with you and come up with phrasing that feels natural. You can also practice in front of the mirror until you feel more comfortable.

Secret #4 – Offer An Alternative

If the woman is reluctant to give you her phone number, ask for her email or instant message address instead. This allows her to still protect her privacy but opens the door for you to contact her in the future.

As a last resort, you can reverse the process and give her your phone number or electronic contact information. She may take the information just to be polite, never intending to actually call you, but if it’s clear you’re not going to get her number you don’t have a lot to lose.

Secret #5 – Now You Have It, What Should You Do?

Dating experts agree you should wait awhile before calling her, but they disagree on how long to wait. The best approach is probably to call within a few days. This demonstrates that you’re reliable and shows good follow through.

Be prepared when you call to ask for a date, with a specific time and place in mind. Start with something simple like a cup of coffee, and take the time to get better acquainted. If you treat her with respect and courtesy she’s bound to be impressed, and will likely want to see you again.

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