The Grudge Match
In dating, when should you forgive and forget -- and when should you cut and run?
Novelist Laurie Graff believes, in principle, that forgiving someone for a transgression correlates with her investment in the relationship. Then came Mr. X.
He was ending his marriage, says the author of “Looking for Mr. Goodfrog,” a sequel to her first best-selling novel, “You Have to Kiss a Lot of Frogs.” She had dated him a few times before he’d met Wife No. 2, and Graff was beginning to like the idea of becoming the third Mrs. X. (He was a prolific bastard.)
“His pursuit was steadfast and amorous, sending flowers, gifts, romantic dinners and so on,” Graff tells AdamandDrew.com. “I kept a distance, as he had a sketchy history, and I felt this was too soon. But I liked the man he presented to me, and he kept on with the presentation. Months passed. I felt we had become good friends and began to trust him. I felt the third time could be the charm. Finally, I decided to ‘go for it.’ We had theater tickets to a Sunday matinee, and I was awaiting Sunday night.”
Three hours before showtime, Graff received two protracted answering-machine messages. X was “unavailable.” And then he said those all-too-familiar words that signal the death knell for any relationship: “It’s me, not you…”
“Well, it wasn’t even him,” she says. “It was her -- another woman.”
The next night, he came over. Graff wanted to see him up-close-and-personal so she could tell him how she felt. Then she threw him out, “and I never saw him again,” she says.
Liars and cheaters and scoundrels, oh my! If you’ve dated, you’ve been there. But did you take him/her back, or did you toss him/her to the curb?
Certain behaviors are truly unforgivable. For Graff, lying tops the list.
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